Conversion vs. Conversation

Scumbag Socrates - Knows all the answers, only asks questionsThere was an interesting Lifehacker article recently that dealt with rhetoric in online discourse. It’s worth a read since I learned quite a bit. The Socratic method of asking questions really only works as a teaching method, and only if it’s with someone you’re not argrily arguing with online.

Anyway, I hear a lot of talk about trolls “converting” people. Let me explain to you something about conversion:

It doesn’t fucking happen.

There’s a phrase that goes “you’re preaching to the choir.” What that means is that you’re basically talking to people who already agree with you for the most part, and any conversation you have or article you read is going to affirm your view or give you a new perspective on it. You’re reading and discussing to learn or affirm. For example, people who read this blog probably already have some idea of what trolling is and what kinds of politically-incorrect hijinks and fun may happen.

On the flip side, what usually happens when you end up in a discussion with someone who already has their mind set on something? They’re seeking to push their opinion on you, and with the mindset of “conversion,” you on them. We’ve all done this, don’t fucking lie to yourself.

But it’s a mistake to go in and think you can change this person’s brain, and it gets little to nothing done. The only people who are paying attention are the lurkers, the idiot you’re arguing with isn’t the person you need to be concerned with, it’s the people who are reading this discussion who don’t have a set idea or opinion. There’s a guesstimation out there that about 80-90% of a community is made up of lurkers.

Plus, if your goal is to “convert” someone, who’s to say that they aren’t just agreeing with you to get out of the argument, yet they still hold onto their opinion? Who’s to say that they aren’t just feeble-minded and won’t just adopt the next most convincing-looking opinion out there?

So use the tips in that Lifehacker article, and be assertive. No questions, no pussing out, no name-calling. If they start calling names, you’ve won, like Schopenhauer wrote in The Art of Being Right. Go out there and be a tactful trolling prick, and take the high ground.

Arthur Schopenhauer – The Art of Being Right

So there was this old fuck named Arthur Schopenhauer. Apparently he was a ladies man, because he was a dick. Being a dick is half of being a troll, because trolls are reported to have dicks that make up at least half of their body mass.

He called it as he saw it when it came to women. This quote is not extracted from his essay “On Women,” but it sums up his thoughts:

Men are by nature merely indifferent to one another; but women are by nature enemies.

And then he took it a step further and penned a treatise named The Art of Being Right, which is a good starter text for any would-be troll who doesn’t want to dive balls deep into the Ancient Greeks. lol

In The Art of Being Right, Schopenhauer takes his knowledge of logical fallacy and other argumentative trolling tomfoolery and distills it into well-meted practical applications. Yes, you don’t have to be perfectly logical to make an argument, a simple piece of information, look like it’s worth more than gold. You could almost argue that it’s a satire and he’s picking apart the way other people make the most ridiculous arguments stand up in the face of truth.

While it may be “weak” to some to argue in this “dishonest” manner, it’s trolling. Ninja might as well be called weak for not fighting out in the open like the samurai with their bushido code of honor or whatever, but who gives a fuck, both of them get people dead. However it is the nature of the ninja to infiltrate and deceive. If you are too feeble to tell bullshit from truth, then you shouldn’t be arguing in the first place.

In the future, we will be discussing troll ethics.

TROLLTIP #3 – HOW TO BALANCE IRL TIMES WITH INTERNETS

YES FUCKER< DID YOU FORGET YOU WERE A BAG OF FUCKING MEAT SITTING IN FRONT OF A PIECE OF ELECTRIC SILICON?????

Of course you didn’t: Everyone has to shit, piss, or eat once in a while. The problem is that we need to make the most of our computer time, especially trolling, which is why these posts are being written to help make our lives EASIER, so we don’t have to waste our time on hours and hours of posting in threads going nowhere. Some of these tips will require DISCIPRINE. If you don’t have DISCIPRINE, you won’t make much of a troll besides some youtube comments faggot. sorry 😦

Anyway, trolling doesn’t have to be a full-time job. Here are a few things to keep in mind when trolling:

  • Pick your battlesThat’s right, you can’t win them all, so pick only the ones you can win. If you think you’re going to take on a big-ass thread without being swamped by naysayers and people contradicting you, good fucking luck. All Facebook and typical forum threads tend to degrade into shouting matches, and as a lone troll, you need to stay the fuck away from these. They suck too much of your time and energy away, instead save these threads for when you can horde together a troll/sockpuppet militia, and return to the battlefield at another date.
  • You don’t have to “win”One battle doesn’t win a war. Again, a thread where you get shit on is not the end of the world. Everyone gets swamped by a torrent of faggots who contradict the truth. It’s not your job to bend their perspective of the thread participants around to see yours, but merely to demonstrate to others who can decide for themselves whose words are correct or not. About 80% of people on a given site lurk, and possibly fewer than 20% bother participating. But they do see these flamewars and other heated discussions, and will watch carefully.
  • Humble yourselfJust because you are a troll doesn’t necessarily mean you are right. You are merely a footsoldier for the Truth, and whether you can express it or not depends entirely on your thoughts, choices, and actions. All of us can be right or wrong, and those are only ephemeral states in the face of eternal truth, regardless of what race you are, what you believe in, and what you stand for..
  • Keep it simple.
    If it’s short, sweet and to the point, people will be more inclined to read and accept your responses. Long-winded PMS rants because you’re mad just make you look like a stupid faggot. Don’t respond to insults with insults. And with insults in mind…
  • Refrain from insults.
    Insults only work if you can eviscerate the person/thing subtly. Calling them a doodoo head or a racist is just fucking retarded. But if they call you a “racist” or a “bigot” or a “misogynist” or whatever, feel free to ignore it, or turn it against them. FUrthermore, don’t give them a reason to insult you.

Getting your IRL shit together

Maybe someone can say “YOU HAVE NO LIFE.”

The problem is, there are 24 hours in a day. On average, people are spending up to 8 hours per day in front of a computer. How much of that time are you using for yourself, for learning? If you enjoy trolling, by all means indulge. But does it advance your life goals? Are you going to treat it like a hobby or waste your time away? If you can’t answer those questions for yourself, don’t bother.

Your humble author personally spends no more than 2 or 3 hours of my computer time in any form of trolling as it is mainly non-productive time. Many successful trolls have a balanced IRL life with their internet time.

Don’t have anything else to do? Then do one or more of the following:

  • Hang out with friends that are disciplined, productive and/or rich and/or successful – not failures of life who like to play video games or surf 4chins 99% of their time
  • Get a fucking job. You could make money online if you do some research.
  • Lift some fucking weights
  • Eat some good fucking food for once – eat a low-carb, high-fat, high-protein diet free of chemical processed bullshit
  • Pick up on cute chicks that aren’t fat or ugly. Have lots of sex. (with a condom on, faggot. you are unfit to be a parent)

There are many things you can do as well that this list doesn’t cover. To recap:

Don’t waste your fucking time on online battles that mean nothing. Pick your battles that you can win, and win the FUCK out of them. Above all, have fun and see it as nothing more than a time killer. Make sure you can afford to waste this time, otherwise GTFO. Then go back to real life and understand this is all you have in your fleeting, mortal days, and take that remaining emptiness and create something in its place.

In fact, don’t hesitate to take a break from your computer right now and savor real life. Learn the zen of computing and how to be without a computer. You will know that the anger people feel on the internet is more silly than real life anger, which is somewhat silly too. You will learn true anger.

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