4 Basic Online Forum User Archetypes

It is helpful to know which character to portray when sockpuppeting or otherwise becoming part of a community that you want nothing to do with except for troll purposes. These archetypes are what happen when one’s ego comes between mind and keyboard – it is stupid and these people should feel stupid.

For this concept, I have formulated a new acronym: PEBMAKProblem Exists Between Mind And Keyboard.

Anyway, these are some basic archetypes I’ve noticed in your everyday unaware forum users:

The Little Bitch

The little bitch is labeled as such because he bends over backwards to acommodate the community’s opinions and beliefs, often taking shit from the other users and loving it. He finds himself often unsure and has no opinion or critical thinking skills of his own. He is a pure useful idiot, but that’s just it: he’s an idiot. He just echoes others’ opinions for approval because he wants to belong.
The Little Bitch Forum Archetype
If he found another community before this one, he would’ve been a part of it too, sharing the same approved opinions of that community. These are probably one of the most common characters in friendlier online communities because these guys can sometimes take too much shit and get their feelings hurt in more tight-knit “elitist” communities.

It is good to create several sockpuppets of these to suck the dick of the Unique Faggot, described in the next entry. This will put your Unique Faggot at a great advantage.

The Unique Faggot

The opinionated Unique Faggot is the counterpart to the little bitch, the yin to little bitch’s yang. He often holds an opinion for the sake of having a slightly different, more complex or “better” version of the common opinion that is shared by the community, thus making himself more special and elevating his status above that of the rest of the horde.
The Unique Faggot Forum Archetype
Like the little bitch, he is a pure useful idiot except his ego wishes to have all of the glory and the power that comes with being part of a stupid online forum. In an online community, there is probably one of these per 10 members, and they often shit on and stand on the backs of Little Bitches to gain their forum ego-status. The more little bitches that they have on their cock, the bigger their egos and forum statuses grow. Some of the bigger ones even have entire hierarchical chains of little bitches and unique faggots forming the structure and basis of their ego-pyramid, and their opinion-influence trickles down, like imaginary wealth.

If there aren’t enough little bitches around and/or they haven’t been around the community for long, they are shunned down into Little Bitch-hood for that particular community. If not enough people think they’re cool or unique individuals or whatever, these tools go to other communities.

Because unique faggots often spur controversy and become a locus of influence, this is a key archetype to emulate with sockpuppets. Combine with your own array of Little Bitches, and your Unique Faggot will become talk of the town. You can create infights and tear apart entire online communities this way.

The Pseudo-troll

This little fucklord thinks he is a troll, so he says stupid shit and shits on threads like a retarded little baby getting spaghetti all over his face and his high chair eating tray. He adds nothing constructive to any discussion, and the pseudo-troll is often half of where Little Bitches get their shit from.

When it comes down to it, he is often a bored little loser that has a severe case of ADD/ADHD, and can’t formulate a single critical thought or opinion because it requires too much focus to do so. He just wants to stir shit up and have a giggle. Don’t we all? 😀

As he matures or settles down, he often evolves into a Unique Faggot if he is a big enough loser who hates his life enough to value his membership with that particular community. Otherwise, he will move on aimlessly from one forum to the next until he kills himself or has to go to the store to reload on some Doritos.

This is a good archetype to emulate with a sockpuppet in order to shit on or derail a given thread that you may not have the upper hand in. He may also double as a Little Bitch. YAY! GO BRUNHILDE! ❤

The Zealous Moderator

There’s always a couple of these moderators someplace. They often evolve from power-hungry Unique Faggots into Zealous Moderators if they have proven to be an egotistical gravitational center of member activity and discussion, i.e. he’s the talk of the forum because he’s so unique and cool. Administrators see that this Unique Faggot creates activity and discussion, and they like that their community is so active with discussion, so they put this guy in charge of part of their community to make them feel more special than they already feel.
Zealous Moderator Forum Archetype

What happens if you stoke the fires of the ego with moderation privileges? He becomes an even bigger asshole than before. He will shit on people for having different opinions, he will not foster constructive discussion and exchange of ideas, and he will lord his power with an egotistical iron fist.

This will work for you if your sockpuppet becomes one of these. It only gives you more influence in a given online community.

Am i doing it right?

If it resembles this, then yes.

Forum Archetype Sockpuppets

TROLLTIP #4 – TROLLDRUGS – HACKERS ON STEROIDS

hackers on steroidsWant to know what the biggest, baddest trolls use to get a leg up on their competition?

It’s not steroids either, but it might as well be. I have a list of substances that may interest you as a troll. You see, trolling requires you to be at your quickest wit. Sometimes we’re just born retarded but if you’re like me, you probably have plenty of brainpower and aren’t using it to its fullest potential. This will also help you in areas other than trolling, like talking to babes, fooling your boss into giving an irresponsible shit like you a raise at work, or even doing something productive at school or other place of higher learning.

Easy-mode drugs: Stimulants

Stimulants are pretty easy to come by. The most recommended, legal and affordable stimulants for trolls are the following:

  • Coffee – Yes, coffee is man’s most widely-used stimulant drug. Thanks to caffeine, everyone’s brains can be awake no matter what. You can get it almost anywhere, but you save so much more money if you brew your own. Hate coffee? Add some milk, or cream with some sugar and a TINY pinch of salt (cuts down the acidic taste from bad coffee).
  • Green Tea – Green tea is good and good for you. No, I don’t mean the cheapo bag green tea, but it is better than nothing. If you can, get some loose-leaf green tea and brew that shit in a teapot, strain it out or use grandma’s french press. Your author here consumes well over a half-gallon of fresh-brewed green tea daily. Since I began doing this months ago, I’ve been at the top of my game, mentally speaking. Green tea contains a non-essential amino acid called L-Theanine which promotes Alpha brainwave activity – leading to awake calmness and ease of learning and improved memory. It has a synergistic effect with caffeine, eliminating many of caffeine’s negative side effects, and can actually be purchased as a separate supplement if you hate tea for some stupid fucking reason.

I don’t mess with other prescription stimulants like Adderall because they’re basically methamphetamine analogues. If you’re going to do that, make sure you pop some l-theanine too. But I have some better ones than prescription ADD pills.

leeterol - steroids for hackers and trolls

The ‘good’ drugs: Nootropics

Nootropic means “bending/turning the mind” – literally getting those gears cranking. A nootropic is a drug that increases the brain’s working capacity, intellect, creative thought, or all of the above, by varying mechanisms. There is NO CRASH unlike stimulants, and pretty much no side effects for most, if not all of them. MAKE SURE YOU GET SOME CHOLINE TO GO WITH THEM. It is not a requirement but makes it much better. I will detail some of the most common nootropics and a few that I have interest in taking for myself:

  • Piracetam – Piracetam is considered the ‘first’ nootropic of the *racetam family of nootropics. Is it basically free of toxicity or side effects. It is water soluble, and is not able to cross the blood-brain barrier effectively, but it is suggested that it helps improve working memory and thought in healthy individuals. It was originally developed to treat Alzheimer’s! It is supposed to facilitate communication between the hemispheres of the brain, among many other strange brain-beneficial effects.
  • Pramiracetam/Aniracetam/Oxiracetam – other *racetam drugs which provide the same or better effects than piracetam as they were developed later.
  • Modafinil – This shit was developed for insomniacs. This guy swears by it, even comparing it to a brain drug called NZT from some movie called Limitless. It was developed for narcoleptics, but has been shown to improve cognitive health, memory and focus in a stimulant-like fashion without having any of the other nasty effects of stimulants.

Other brain supplements

  • Huperzine A – This comes from a firmoss that is native to Asia. This alkaloid chemical is an acetylcholinesterase inhibitor, meaning it makes goddamn sure that your brain is using its choline. It is shown to improve cognitive function.
  • Choline – You NEED to take this if you’re going to take any *racetams because your brain will use it up. You don’t want a mild headache, do you?
  • Holy Basil (Tulsi) – This herb is renowned in Indian Ayurvedic medicine for its calming, stress-relieving properties. It has been shown to inhibit COX-2, like a modern painkiller. Makes your mind focused and clear like a fluffy cloud drifting in the wind.
  • Fish Oil & Flaxseed oil – Your brain is made out of Omega-3’s, and this is a vital nutrient for your body and mind. Take this shit. Best is cod liver oil, next is fish oil, then flaxseed oil. Dead last is fucking canola oil, because even though it bills itself as having high Omega-3 content, that shit is BAD FOR YOU. Eat some fucking butter and bacon grease, son.

Where to buy + Discounts

  • For Coffee + Green Tea – Grocery stores and health food stores are your best bet. You can also order online if you are lazy. Search on Amazon.
  • Piracetam, Aniracetam, Oxiracetam, Pramiracetam, etc. – There are many people who sell this. You can check Amazon (again), buy it in capsules at discount right here, or even buy a special blend of *racetams and brain-booster supplements called “Get Smart.”
  • Modafinil – This thing goes by several different brand names and in different countries. It is by prescription for narcolepsy, but you can buy it online without a prescription. Short of getting a prescription or going to Mexico to buy it, you have to order it online. I haven’t ordered any yet, but this guy recommends a particular site.
  • Choline/Huperzine A/Holy Basil/Fish+Flaxseed Oil – You can get all of these at vitamin stores, health food stores, and the ol’ Amazon.com.

TROLLTIP #3 – HOW TO BALANCE IRL TIMES WITH INTERNETS

YES FUCKER< DID YOU FORGET YOU WERE A BAG OF FUCKING MEAT SITTING IN FRONT OF A PIECE OF ELECTRIC SILICON?????

Of course you didn’t: Everyone has to shit, piss, or eat once in a while. The problem is that we need to make the most of our computer time, especially trolling, which is why these posts are being written to help make our lives EASIER, so we don’t have to waste our time on hours and hours of posting in threads going nowhere. Some of these tips will require DISCIPRINE. If you don’t have DISCIPRINE, you won’t make much of a troll besides some youtube comments faggot. sorry 😦

Anyway, trolling doesn’t have to be a full-time job. Here are a few things to keep in mind when trolling:

  • Pick your battlesThat’s right, you can’t win them all, so pick only the ones you can win. If you think you’re going to take on a big-ass thread without being swamped by naysayers and people contradicting you, good fucking luck. All Facebook and typical forum threads tend to degrade into shouting matches, and as a lone troll, you need to stay the fuck away from these. They suck too much of your time and energy away, instead save these threads for when you can horde together a troll/sockpuppet militia, and return to the battlefield at another date.
  • You don’t have to “win”One battle doesn’t win a war. Again, a thread where you get shit on is not the end of the world. Everyone gets swamped by a torrent of faggots who contradict the truth. It’s not your job to bend their perspective of the thread participants around to see yours, but merely to demonstrate to others who can decide for themselves whose words are correct or not. About 80% of people on a given site lurk, and possibly fewer than 20% bother participating. But they do see these flamewars and other heated discussions, and will watch carefully.
  • Humble yourselfJust because you are a troll doesn’t necessarily mean you are right. You are merely a footsoldier for the Truth, and whether you can express it or not depends entirely on your thoughts, choices, and actions. All of us can be right or wrong, and those are only ephemeral states in the face of eternal truth, regardless of what race you are, what you believe in, and what you stand for..
  • Keep it simple.
    If it’s short, sweet and to the point, people will be more inclined to read and accept your responses. Long-winded PMS rants because you’re mad just make you look like a stupid faggot. Don’t respond to insults with insults. And with insults in mind…
  • Refrain from insults.
    Insults only work if you can eviscerate the person/thing subtly. Calling them a doodoo head or a racist is just fucking retarded. But if they call you a “racist” or a “bigot” or a “misogynist” or whatever, feel free to ignore it, or turn it against them. FUrthermore, don’t give them a reason to insult you.

Getting your IRL shit together

Maybe someone can say “YOU HAVE NO LIFE.”

The problem is, there are 24 hours in a day. On average, people are spending up to 8 hours per day in front of a computer. How much of that time are you using for yourself, for learning? If you enjoy trolling, by all means indulge. But does it advance your life goals? Are you going to treat it like a hobby or waste your time away? If you can’t answer those questions for yourself, don’t bother.

Your humble author personally spends no more than 2 or 3 hours of my computer time in any form of trolling as it is mainly non-productive time. Many successful trolls have a balanced IRL life with their internet time.

Don’t have anything else to do? Then do one or more of the following:

  • Hang out with friends that are disciplined, productive and/or rich and/or successful – not failures of life who like to play video games or surf 4chins 99% of their time
  • Get a fucking job. You could make money online if you do some research.
  • Lift some fucking weights
  • Eat some good fucking food for once – eat a low-carb, high-fat, high-protein diet free of chemical processed bullshit
  • Pick up on cute chicks that aren’t fat or ugly. Have lots of sex. (with a condom on, faggot. you are unfit to be a parent)

There are many things you can do as well that this list doesn’t cover. To recap:

Don’t waste your fucking time on online battles that mean nothing. Pick your battles that you can win, and win the FUCK out of them. Above all, have fun and see it as nothing more than a time killer. Make sure you can afford to waste this time, otherwise GTFO. Then go back to real life and understand this is all you have in your fleeting, mortal days, and take that remaining emptiness and create something in its place.

In fact, don’t hesitate to take a break from your computer right now and savor real life. Learn the zen of computing and how to be without a computer. You will know that the anger people feel on the internet is more silly than real life anger, which is somewhat silly too. You will learn true anger.

NEXT TROLLTIP – TROLLDRUGS – HACKERZ ON STEROIDZ