There was an interesting Lifehacker article recently that dealt with rhetoric in online discourse. It’s worth a read since I learned quite a bit. The Socratic method of asking questions really only works as a teaching method, and only if it’s with someone you’re not argrily arguing with online.
Anyway, I hear a lot of talk about trolls “converting” people. Let me explain to you something about conversion:
It doesn’t fucking happen.
There’s a phrase that goes “you’re preaching to the choir.” What that means is that you’re basically talking to people who already agree with you for the most part, and any conversation you have or article you read is going to affirm your view or give you a new perspective on it. You’re reading and discussing to learn or affirm. For example, people who read this blog probably already have some idea of what trolling is and what kinds of politically-incorrect hijinks and fun may happen.
On the flip side, what usually happens when you end up in a discussion with someone who already has their mind set on something? They’re seeking to push their opinion on you, and with the mindset of “conversion,” you on them. We’ve all done this, don’t fucking lie to yourself.
But it’s a mistake to go in and think you can change this person’s brain, and it gets little to nothing done. The only people who are paying attention are the lurkers, the idiot you’re arguing with isn’t the person you need to be concerned with, it’s the people who are reading this discussion who don’t have a set idea or opinion. There’s a guesstimation out there that about 80-90% of a community is made up of lurkers.
Plus, if your goal is to “convert” someone, who’s to say that they aren’t just agreeing with you to get out of the argument, yet they still hold onto their opinion? Who’s to say that they aren’t just feeble-minded and won’t just adopt the next most convincing-looking opinion out there?
So use the tips in that Lifehacker article, and be assertive. No questions, no pussing out, no name-calling. If they start calling names, you’ve won, like Schopenhauer wrote in The Art of Being Right. Go out there and be a tactful trolling prick, and take the high ground.
Some of you probably already know this shit, but there’s always someone who didn’t get the memo. I always see would-be trolls posting from what appears to be their IRL-based account. While “trolling” (posting image memes and being an inconsiderate dick to people online) seems to have become more socially acceptable or at least so common that no one is surprised by it anymore, there are two categories of people you need to look out for that may want to harm you or your reputation based on your thoughts and deeds. This is especially true on Facebook, which is a choice venue for Trollbase at the moment.
Anyway, the two categories of individuals are:
1) Individuals who disagree with you
2) Individuals who belong to groups that disagree with you
Category I individuals are people who become butthurt at your efforts. This is what happens when you put your arguments from your ego at the forefront, i.e. as in you would willingly dare to oppose their opinion and step on their ego. If you meet the wrong person (either they have no life or are extremely motivated to hurt you), they may do everything in their power from the Internet to harm you or your reputation. These can even be people you know IRL, since Facebook isn’t really the best at keeping things private.
Category II individuals can be more effective at shitting on you because they have strength in numbers.
How do I stop these assholes from shitting on my shit?
Simple: Don’t make yourself into an easy target, and don’t leave your information out in the open. Better yet, don’t make yourself a target at all. If you have to be so outspoken, more often than not it’s your ego that needs to check itself.
Don’t make yourself into a visible target
If you want to sum up this article: use a fucking pseudonym, use a new e-mail address, and make no references or connections to yourself that can be used to identify you.
First of all, voicing an opinion that is less than socially acceptable, whether in trollish jest or in total seriousness will have you branded as such. There are people who will try to harm you for declaring an opinion and will bar you from getting certain social opportunities. This isn’t written to scare you and it’s not like you’ll be scared anyway since you are a fearless troll warrior, but you may still want to get a job at Burger King in the meantime and you don’t want your boss to see your posts on public Facebook pages about Mitt Romney and Barack Obama having gay buttsex together.
Keep your troll life and IRL shit separate
Don’t add your friends to your troll accounts. It might be tempting to have your friends who are more Internet-savvy to join you on your adventures, and it’s good to have a friend like this, but it’s more than likely that you don’t have any friends like this. Keep this shit to yourself. Trolling can be srs bz. Plus it’s a good exercise in humbling yourself. What if some fuck decides to ask your “friend” who you are IRL? Either have some honorable, trustworthy friends or just hide your shit well.
So why hide your shit if you aren’t doing anything wrong?
“Avoid suspicion: when you’re walking through your neighbor’s melon patch, don’t tie your shoe.”
– Some old Chinese fuckers
You may not be doing anything wrong but you don’t need to look like you’re doing anything wrong either. Trolling looks wrong to many people since it’s associated with 4chan, Asperger’s, and hackers on steroids. If it doesn’t look like trolling, you’ll know you’re doing it right.
Lastly, I don’t wanna see my troll homies getting slandered by some butthurt asshole.
As for your government, if you aren’t doing anything illegal or weird that will get their attention, you’re okay. They probably already know what you’re doing if you’re important at all, so if you’re paranoid get a VPN or 10 proxies or something.
So there was this old fuck named Arthur Schopenhauer. Apparently he was a ladies man, because he was a dick. Being a dick is half of being a troll, because trolls are reported to have dicks that make up at least half of their body mass.
He called it as he saw it when it came to women. This quote is not extracted from his essay “On Women,” but it sums up his thoughts:
Men are by nature merely indifferent to one another; but women are by nature enemies.
And then he took it a step further and penned a treatise named The Art of Being Right, which is a good starter text for any would-be troll who doesn’t want to dive balls deep into the Ancient Greeks. lol
In The Art of Being Right, Schopenhauer takes his knowledge of logical fallacy and other argumentative trolling tomfoolery and distills it into well-meted practical applications. Yes, you don’t have to be perfectly logical to make an argument, a simple piece of information, look like it’s worth more than gold. You could almost argue that it’s a satire and he’s picking apart the way other people make the most ridiculous arguments stand up in the face of truth.
While it may be “weak” to some to argue in this “dishonest” manner, it’s trolling. Ninja might as well be called weak for not fighting out in the open like the samurai with their bushido code of honor or whatever, but who gives a fuck, both of them get people dead. However it is the nature of the ninja to infiltrate and deceive. If you are too feeble to tell bullshit from truth, then you shouldn’t be arguing in the first place.
In the future, we will be discussing troll ethics.
Believe it or not, there’s a gay little hierarchy pyramid of levels of argument/disagreement.
In a nutshell, the pyramid above works like this:
- You can communicate effectively with people on the same level
- People at a level or more below a particular argument level will not understand it
- People who are at a level or more above a particular argument level will be able to stoop to the lower level, but should not expect the same of the lower
Ideally we could all look at the argument pyramid at the top and expect to communicate as such, but sadly everyone’s minds these days are fucked up and shit. They will stoop to dirty tactics when trying to push their propaganda, and if you can identify where these tactics lie, you can use these same tactics against them, albeit with more strategy and discretion.
For example, imagine some little faggot is arguing at DH3. This is the point of no return, basically, if their argument rhetoric descends below DH3, you cannot expect them to respond to a DH4 or above. Instead, resort to spamming them with dickgirls, scat fetish porn, etc. as this is all that they will respond to — rational argument is gone. If both of you reach level DH0, you will waste your time arguing with them since there is no exchange of ideas at that level.
Let’s say someone is at a level above DH3 where they have enough brainpower to say more than “I disagree”. They often will hold onto their level, so you could use a sockpuppet and shit on their thread at a level DH3 or below using an argument contrary to the person, but also contrary what you actually wish to argue. Then you come in and slay the sockpuppet with your flawless reasoning, instantly establishing yourself some influence cred. This person will be open to influence and reason, so you can now safely present your argument after having shut up a little bitch with your mega troll intelligence.
There will be more to come that builds upon this new and interesting concept.